you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
