when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
