She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
