On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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