I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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