sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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