Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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