No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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