I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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