I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
