Can Purell be used as lube?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
