The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
