Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize