i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
They took my balls.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
