The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
