those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
