why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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