I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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