I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
FUCK WHALES
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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