what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My breasts were aching with rage.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
