Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
