This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
