and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize