So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
