Me too!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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