I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
