Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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