Me. At least after what I've been through.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
