I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
