I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
