If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
