so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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