I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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