and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The beer is more important than you right now.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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