so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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