so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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