Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
