New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
