Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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