just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
