I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize