Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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