i was born a porn star she said
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
