New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
