this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
