She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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