no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
