Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Randomize
