I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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