Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
