I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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