My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
