3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
