im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
