guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
