come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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