we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
