are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
