I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
this just has baby written all over it
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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