I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
