Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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