i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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