just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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