He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
