What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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