remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
