I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
