It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
