I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
