No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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