After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
