tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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