belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
