once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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