I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
