yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
