We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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