Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
