even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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