He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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