I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
