who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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