I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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