I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
