This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
