She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
