ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
