Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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