just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
