I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
