You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
