I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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