I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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