ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I lost the right to judge tonight
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
