Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
