god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
