my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
